michael pascoe

I can advise that when ordering a turkey and cranberry sandwich, you should not compromise with chicken instead of turkey, and you should definitely not subsequently decide to add avocado and pepper.

It’s funny how much faith we have in soap. Considering we don’t even know what it actually is. We do know it’s not disinfectant. We know that you can eat it – so it can’t be that full-on. Yet we fully believe that it magically makes our hands clean and germ free. The only time I don’t really trust soap is when I go to a public toilet and there is an old cake of soap that is dirty and cracked. At that point, I start to question Soap’s abilities. I find myself thinking “Soap, you don’t look very clean. How do I know that you can really clean me if you can’t keep yourself clean? … I don’t know, I think I might be cleaner if I don’t touch you? I don’t think I trust you Soap.” But in the end, I usually give in. Soap wins again.

To all Melbourne folks who are on annual leave at the moment,

Please would you leave town. It is awesome here now without you, and it would be great if you would consider not coming back (or at least just stay at home and don’t travel to work or go to cafes).

Thank you very much.

Ps. This doesn’t apply to Ross. Ross, it would be good if you could come back to work.

I just hope I don’t run out of steam

I started a search in google today. My search term started with “mini”. As I typed, the following auto suggestions from Google appeared (based on other people’s searches)

I had never before thought of getting a mini ninja, but now that I know about them I can’t wait to get one.

“Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, you can wear them forever”

I was just looking for some pants to put on (from the ‘worn, but still OK shelf’) , and I remembered the line above from an email chain I got the other day (you probably got it too I guess)…

A quick internet search and I have discovered that all the funny “observations” in the email came from different people via Ruminations.  I’m slightly disappointed to find out  they weren’t all written by one person – I had been thinking there was this guy out there who must be observing things andchuckling to himself all the time.

Anyway, lots more at Ruminations, but here are some of my favorites:

Have you ever been walking down the street and realised that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem …

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

“Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.

As a driver I hate pedestrians and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.